thanks to glitt, spud, and brick chicken for giving me the idea to make this guide.
Mafia for Beginners
Table of Contents
 KoLmafia Startup
[1.1] KoL Login
[1.2] Main Tabs
[1.3] Look & Feel
[1.1] To start off, if you saw the link for mafia in the chat channel, click the "[link]," then save the file. Go to where you saved it, then extract all the files. Go to where you extracted the files and open up the JAR file "7LMafia." Enter your account information.
[1.2] These are the per-user settings for what shows up when KoLmafia successfully logs into the Kingdom of Loathing. You can drag and drop options in the lists below to customize what will show up. Also, you can change what starts up in different windows.
[1.3] These options are more advanced settings of KoLmafia.
[1.4] This is how you connect to KoLmafia. You can add/remove/change proxy settings, and which server you connect to.
[1.5] The best startup interface tab ever! (because it supports me and my laziness...) Anyway... this controls exactly what happens when you log in (besides actually logging in). You can run scripts on login and logout, and select what you want to happen on login. No more lag when skill-casting!
[2.0] To start adventuring, look for the tab titled "Adventure". This should have five smaller tabs, Overview, Choice Advs, HP/MP Usage, Mood Setup, and Custom Combat. Overview shows basically an overview of your current session, what items you've gained and lost and how much meat you've gained, and the stats you've gained. Choice Advs is all the non-combat adventures that let you choose what to do, and this way you don't have to do it yourself. HP/MP usage is how KoLmafia manages your HP and MP, like auto-healing you when you want it to and balancing your buffs for you. Mood Setup is basically "when you lose an effect, do this, and when you gain an effect do that". Finally, custom combat is how lazy NPZR farmers do their farming. If you want to always use an item (i.e. seal tooth), type 1: item seal tooth. And if you want KoLmafia to do that for 30 turns in the fight, you then type 30: item seal tooth.
Note: More is to come, don't worry.