Author Topic: Jokes that'll make you pee your pants :)  (Read 123520 times)

kingofthekongo

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Jokes that'll make you pee your pants :)
« on: April 05, 2007, 09:24:14 PM »
This thread is solely for jokes, funny jokes, bad jokes, and jokes that make you go... "What???"

I'll start with a joke that was told to me.

There's a sign outside of a bar that said "Free beer". A man walks into the bar and says, "Gimme a free beer please."

The bartender replies, "Okay, but first you have to pass 3 tests. First, drink a margarita without making a face. Second, wrestle a crocodile. And lastly, you must rape a virgin (O_o)"

The man says, "Alright, I'll do it."

First, he drinks the margarita without making a sense.

He's really drunk by then so he goes out back to wrestle the crocodile.

Really strange sounds come from outback and the bartender is wondering what's going on out there.

When he comes back, he asks "Okay, now wheresh that virgin i needa wrassle?"
« Last Edit: April 05, 2007, 09:29:04 PM by kingofthekongo »

Sir Francis

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Re: Jokes that'll make you pee your pants :)
« Reply #1 on: April 05, 2007, 09:29:51 PM »

MissFroggie: Three stupid guys just died and are at the pearly gates of heaven. St. Peter tells them that they can enter the gates if they can answer one simple question.
MissFroggie: St. Peter asks the first man, "WHAT IS EASTER?"
MissFroggie: The man replies, "Oh, that's easy, it's the holiday in November when everybody gets together, eats turkey, and is thankful..."
MissFroggie: "WRONG," replies St. Peter, and proceeds to ask the second man the same question, "WHAT IS EASTER?"
MissFroggie: The second man replies, "No, Easter is the holiday in December when we put up a nice tree, exchange presents, and celebrate the birth of Jesus."
MissFroggie: St. Peter looks at the second man, shakes his head in disgust, looks at the third man and asks, "WHAT IS EASTER?
MissFroggie: The third man smiles and looks St. Pete in the eye.
MissFroggie: "I know what Easter is. Easter is the Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish celebration of Passover. Jesus and his disciples were eating at the last supper and He was later deceived
MissFroggie: and turned over to the Romans by one of his disciples. The Romans took Him to be crucified and was stabbed in the side, made Him wear a
MissFroggie: crown of thorns, and He was hung on a cross. He was buried in a nearby cave which was sealed off by a large boulder.
MissFroggie: Every year the boulder is moved aside so that Jesus can come out, and if He sees his shadow there will be six more weeks of winter."

sex_factory

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Re: Jokes that'll make you pee your pants :)
« Reply #2 on: April 06, 2007, 07:49:58 AM »
As Jesus was being crucified, Peter asks him "Is there anything I can do to ease your suffering my Lord", and Jesus replied "Ow"

coolguy00001

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Re: Jokes that'll make you pee your pants :)
« Reply #3 on: April 07, 2007, 03:46:15 PM »
Ok. 2 people are walking in a forest.

They look down, and they see some tracks.

Person #1: It's wolf tracks!
Person #2: It's deer tracks!
Person #1: No, it's wolf tracks.
Person #2: Are you blind? It's obviously deer tracks...

Half an hour later, they are hit by a train...
\/\/|-|4+ |)0 j00 |)3513?
/\/\03? 4|\||)  0\/\/3?
\/\/|-|473\/3, 00

Thanks Dirty Diaper!

Sir Francis

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Re: Jokes that'll make you pee your pants :)
« Reply #4 on: April 07, 2007, 07:48:34 PM »
Apples and Wine

Women are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the
tree. Most men don't want to reach for the good ones because they are
afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they sometimes take the
apples from the ground that aren't as good, but easy.

    The apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in
reality, they're amazing. They just have to wait for the right man to
come along, the one who is brave enough to climb all the way to the top
of the tree. 

    Now Men.... Men are like a fine wine. They begin as grapes, and
it's up to us women to stomp the bleep out of them until they turn into
something acceptable to have dinner with.     

    Share this with all the good apples you know.

CaptainGoogle

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Re: Jokes that'll make you pee your pants :)
« Reply #5 on: April 09, 2007, 12:51:21 PM »
Wait, WHAT?!?!?!?!


There's a little Spud in all of us.

Take a stroll with me, my love. We can see the world in mere moments.

achtung5

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Re: Jokes that'll make you pee your pants :)
« Reply #6 on: April 17, 2007, 01:08:27 PM »
maybe it wont make you pee your pants but...

so a duck walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "do you have any grapes?" the bartender says no, and the duck walks away. next day, the duck walks back into the bar and says, "do you have any grapes?" the bartender says no again, and the duck walks away. about 6 hours later, the duck walks back in and asks yet again, "do you have any grapes?" the bartender says, "no, we still dont have any grapes. if you ever ask me for grapes again, ill nail your feet to the floor!" so the duck walks out. about an hour later, the duck comes back in and says, "do you have any nails?" the bartender says no, and then the duck asks, "do you have any grapes?"

Rethgif

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Re: Jokes that'll make you pee your pants :)
« Reply #7 on: April 17, 2007, 03:03:16 PM »
hehe.....grapes....hehe   8)
sarspastic: just another friend of reth's and WC's? theyre like KOL pimps lol

achtung5

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Re: Jokes that'll make you pee your pants :)
« Reply #8 on: April 20, 2007, 10:45:36 PM »

pacone

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Re: Jokes that'll make you pee your pants :)
« Reply #9 on: April 23, 2007, 04:27:58 AM »
funnay!
Oh yeah, this one is a classic! >.<

funny!
lmaoooo!!!

Okay okay, this guy enters a sports store completely naked but a pair of tennis shoes, and asks for a soccer ball.

The salesman is rather shocked, but asks no questions, brings the required product and tells the man it is $60.

The man hands over 30$.

"Excuse me Sir, I said sixty dollars."

"Hey, the banner at the entrance said 50% discount only in tennis footwear."
« Last Edit: April 26, 2007, 02:28:06 AM by pacone »
All your l00t are belong to us.

duke_fan13

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Re: Jokes that'll make you pee your pants :)
« Reply #10 on: April 25, 2007, 03:48:06 PM »
Mine is slightly inappropriate so don't read if you don't want to hear something kinda sick.

A man had just committed murder, and was in his cell at lockdown for the first night.  His cellmate was a HUGE man, about 7'0" 275 lbs.  The new guy layed down for bed, and right before he went to sleep, his cellmate asked in a deep voice "Do you want to be the husband, or the wife??"  The new guy was puzzled, and afraid that his answer would be wrong.  He thought about it for a minute, and eventually replied "The husband"  The huge man then said, "well then get down here and suck your wifes c*ck".

Its hilarious to some, not funny to others, but whatever, judge it how you want :-P

kingofthekongo

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Re: Jokes that'll make you pee your pants :)
« Reply #11 on: April 25, 2007, 03:55:31 PM »
That is.... repulsive duke_fan.... and not even funny... Oh well, I forgive you :)

ATG

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Re: Jokes that'll make you pee your pants :)
« Reply #12 on: April 25, 2007, 04:07:59 PM »
ok heres one that has a reference to the male anatomy.

ok this one day a guy goes into a bar and there is a jar of quarters on the counter, the guy asks the bartender whats it for, he responds well there is a horse out back, if you make him laugh you win the jar of quarters but it costs you 50 cents, so the guy tosses in his quarters and walks out back, 15 seconds later he walks in and the horse is laying on its back rolling in laughter, and the bartender hands him the quarters and simply says damn, a few days later the guy returns and there is another jar there, he asks the bartender again and he says if you can make the horse cry you win the jar, so the guy throws in his 50 cents and goes out back, 20 seconds later he walks back in and the horse is in the corner crying like a baby, the bartender looks at the guy and asks man how did you do it? the guy responds well to get him to laugh i told him my junk was bigger than his and to get him to cry, i proved it

sheling

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Re: Jokes that'll make you pee your pants :)
« Reply #13 on: April 25, 2007, 06:24:10 PM »
Follow these instructions...

1. Take a deep breath.
2. Hold it in.
3. Breathe out if you ever slept with your mum.
[23:00] sk1j thinks shel is just a big spoon wielding breast-monster.

sheling

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Re: Jokes that'll make you pee your pants :)
« Reply #14 on: April 25, 2007, 06:25:31 PM »
Eeeew - that's it. I'm telling everyone!
[23:00] sk1j thinks shel is just a big spoon wielding breast-monster.